well im back again the bordom is getting too much for me to stand .now my son has a girlfriend i never see him he comes home at night has supper goes on the internet to talk to the girlfriend that he has spent all day with dont know what they have to say after beeing out together all day .ah well thats life kids grow up move on and parents have to take a back seat .he's nearly 15 but you would think he's going on 40 personaly i think he's too young for a girlfriend but you know what they are like the more you say dont do it the more they will so i have decided to let him get�on with it . kids have to grow up some time i never knew how fast that would be you blink and they are not babys any more there adults with there own life and a better social life than me but never mind you cant fight the tide and you cant turn back the clock no matter how hard you try .god i feel old�
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Dear Journal,
Ohhh Babyyy it's been a long day. I was supposed to hang out with caitlin but, she ditched me to hang out with her friend Emily. So, I went to hang out with my friend Treva. It was so much fun lol. We took pictures, we made a video, and played tennis. Lemme tell you a little but about our day, We went to our school's tennis court at our school and we had the middle court. On the left was a teenager practcing with her coach. On the right there was 2 elder people and i think one of them was a coach. So as me and treva played this man that looked like a stalker kept smiling at me and treva so we started cracking up laughing. And so he kept getting our balls and i just couldnt help but laugh he was standing there like lol idk it was just SO WEIRD. So after a couple of minutes we noticed it was the teenagers dad so we just started laughing. So the elder people on the right of us moved to the left court as the coach left. The lady comes over to me and says 'Sweetie i think you should get lessons .... you have alot of bad habits and i mean alot' so i looked at her like... wtf? and im like uhm we play for fun we're not on a tennis team... we do it for exercise and fun' so this lady was like ohhh thats okay? like she was technically saying i was horrible. So the coach walks over to my friend and says heres my card. They thought we were horrible and we just looked at each other like WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.�So yeah i went home around 6 and i came home and guess who was there my aunt and little cousin. I mean i love them but they are SO annoying especially my cousin man. She is so annoying for a 2 year old. So, caitlin called me to hangout and im like i cant mom said no and omg if you say no she asks all these questions like why? you were over trevas? blah blah blah. And i was like whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but yeah tomorrow i might hangout with Treva again after church. =]
peace&love
�Dear Journal,
�Today was pretty good other than my mom pmsing on what I should wear to her job. I mean oh my god she was screaming like fuck. She's like 'Briana you look so raggedy with those shorts and tanktop your gonna wear a skirt' So she made me wear a skirt and a plain white tank wasnt really my style. It looked good but, it wasnt my style dude. Anyways I went to my moms job for 4 hours it was pretty boring. There's this really hot guy in her job who gave me candy teeheee =] But anyways me and my sister want to go to a concert with the veronicas playing. IM SO SICKEDD MANN!!! WOOOOO!!!!!!! lol so yeah, I mean im really happy and excited. Im getting a new haircut style next year cant wait<3 LOL i've noticed that im being really random. Yeah, so uhmm.. im bored and im watching CSI:Miami and this girl just got shot and it scared the shit out of me. Yeah, tomorrow im hanging out with Caitlin hopefully to take pics for myspace. LMFAO THE GUY FROM CSI:MIAMI WAS LIKE BURN BABY BURN! lol sorry. My cat was acting so hyper before we were playing murderer dont ask it's our little game. He's laying down and staring at me and i wanna eat him right now he's SO cute. DAMN IM BEING RANDOM AGAIN. Yeah, so..... tomorrow i hope i go to the city to get an ed hardy shirt.
����������� Think I can sleep? Nah. I keep getting online every five min. Every time I close my eyes I can feel things happening. Once I don’t want to happen. It hurts. But nothing I can do. I already feel rejected. Like a lost and forgotten golf ball. It’s like “hello” but they ignore me.
������������ My bed, it feels like its missing another pillow or a blanket. But I got enough already. Too much. It’s so hot in my room. I want to go outside or leave somewhere. But I need to get up early. For days I have been covering myself with pillows and blankets. Though out the day I lie with my body pillow and twist from side to side as if my body is in pain. Feel so uncomfortable every where I go.
������������ I want to accept things the way they are. But I know I have already tried hard. And I can’t keep like this forever. I wonder what will happen to me. I am the last sip of coffee.
July 24, 2008
I'm not sure if I had mentioned this in an ealier journal entry but after my first traveling gig with JGRS I told one of the guys that I was going to have to give up on my dream to be a rock star!� Living out of hotels and the demanding work schedule (up before the crack of dawn and up late at night) was tough for me.� But now I am sure I have to give up on the dream.� The road crew purchased a video game called "rock band" and it is all the rage.� So we got together one night to play it.� Well as you can all guess I was horrible at singing, not so good at the guitar and the drums....well I had to have 2 others help me out with that!� Music just is not my bag.� I have played rock band again and have discovered that I am not to bad at the bass guitar...maybe there is hope.� For now though I will�keep my attempts at making music to kareoke in the privacy of my car.� When I told Chris I was giving up on the rock star dream he asked what I would do now...I told him I wanted to be a princess now.
�������� Not based on hope or giving up. I have strength. To me love is a feeling that is taken differently. Do you give up on someone you love? Or do you keep hoping for something to happen? No! I can’t give it away. I can’t let it go. If I walk away it follows me. All I do is stand behind the wall. I don’t call it hiding because I am here before anyone else. Though I stand. I wait to hear my name. Maybe someone will shout it out. I always come out when they need me. But I keep waiting. I hear everything. And my name is never called. I hear other names. I just stand here. I was standing here before you got here. I was not hiding. Sometimes people don’t bother to look what happens around them. What can be behind the walls. I am standing so close. In silence. No one can hear me. Then I get so tired standing without any encouragement that I drop on my knees. My skin turns blue and there is nothing I can do. If I speak I will only intrude.
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